My Pain Cannot Be Contained

I have lost family members before but never felt the pain I feel from recently losing my sister.  I really cannot process this and don’t know how to process it or understand the feelings from such a lost.  Losing her has impacted me in ways I never thought possible before. 

I found myself sitting on the couch trying to self-medicate through binge watching television trying to take my mind off of the pain I am feeling.  I try reading the bible which is helping, however, I used to talk to my sister about everything and text several times a day. 

I don’t have that any more and find myself getting ready to call her and cannot.  I know it’s a process I have to go through, however, it’s a process that is taking its toll on me.

I am ready to hear thoughts from you if you have.  Anything to help me deal with this loss.

My pain cannot be contained, I feel numb and every day is the same. I never felt like this before, dear Lord help please.  The flood gate to my heart is open.  How do I close this door so I don’t feel this pain anymore?  I am on my knees, Lord please, I can’t take this pain anymore.  I miss my sister so much and never knew how much until now.  

Tell me what to do, show me how.  I have cried, I’ve prayed, I feel as if I cannot breathe, why did she have to leave?  Why did you have to call her home and leave me all alone? Is this suppose to make me stronger?  Are you preparing me for something I cannot see?  When will the pain subside? Now that my sister is free, singing with angels in flight in wonderful harmony.  I will always remember what she means to me.  I will no longer be the same.  My pain cannot be contained.

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